Couples Therapy New York State | Break Patterns, Heal Wounds and Grow Together
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Transform Your Relationship Through Self-Understanding and Connection
Every relationship faces challenges. It’s not whether you’ll encounter difficulties, but how you navigate them together that determines the strength of your bond. Whether you’re newlyweds learning to merge your lives, parents feeling disconnected after having children, long-term partners seeking to rekindle intimacy, or wondering if the relationship can survive infidelity or another breach of trust, the path to healing often starts with understanding the emotions and patterns beneath your conflicts amd learning to respond to each other in new ways.
A Deeper Approach to Relationship Healing
Drawing from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Internal Family Systems (IFS), I help couples understand the emotions, attachment needs, and underlying patterns that shape how they relate to one another. Together, we explore what lies beneath conflict and disconnection so you can better understand yourself and your partner, heal old wounds, and create a deeper, more secure connection. I also integrate tools from the Gottman Method to support healthier communication and help couples navigate conflict more effectively.
Many couples come to therapy feeling frustrated, misunderstood, or disconnected. You might find yourselves having the same arguments over and over, feeling unheard or unappreciated, or wondering how you’ve grown so far apart. The good news is that these challenges don’t mean your relationship is doomed. They often signal that you’re ready to grow together in new ways.
How Your Parts Affect Your Partnership
Have you ever wondered why you or your partner reacts so intensely to certain things? Like why one dirty dish in the sink can spark World War Three, or why you feel an intense loneliness when your partner looks at their phone while you’re trying to share something important? These reactions often come from parts of ourselves that are responding to something we’ve felt or experienced in the past.
We all have different parts that show up in relationships, the part that gets defensive when criticized, the part that desperately wants to be understood, the part that withdraws when overwhelmed, or the part that tries to fix everything. These parts developed for good reasons, often to protect us from past hurts or disappointments.
In couples therapy, we’ll explore how these individual parts interact with one another and shape your relationship dynamic. When you begin to understand why you react the way you do and why your partner does too, you can start to respond to each other with curiosity and compassion instead of defensiveness and reactivity.
This self-awareness work doesn’t excuse harmful behavior or remove the need for accountability. Rather, it creates space for genuine understanding and meaningful change, allowing you to engage with one another from your authentic Self rather than from reactive parts.
Moving from Conflict to Connection
Conflict isn’t the enemy of intimacy. It can often be a pathway to deeper connection. When we experience intense feelings or reactions toward our partners, there is often something more vulnerable underneath; a fear of rejection, a longing to feel understood, or an old wound that has been activated. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps couples slow these moments down and understand the deeper emotions and attachment needs driving their reactions.
With this understanding, couples can begin to recognize the patterns they get caught in and explore what's really happening for each person when conflict arises. Rather than staying focused on the surface content of an argument, we look beneath it at the emotions, fears, and needs that may be difficult to express. As partners begin to understand and respond to these deeper experiences, conflict can become an opportunity for greater closeness and connection.
Through our work together, you’ll learn to recognize when you’re in conflict mode versus connection mode, develop skills to de-escalate tension and turn inward, and discover how to have difficult conversations that truly resonate with your partner and strengthen your bond.
Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity
Infidelity can profoundly disrupt the sense of trust, safety, and connection in a relationship. The betrayed partner may experience intense anger, grief, fear, or uncertainty, while both partners may struggle to understand what happened and whether the relationship can be repaired.
In therapy, we make space for the pain of the betrayal while also exploring the deeper patterns, emotions, and vulnerabilities within the relationship. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps couples understand and repair the attachment injury created by infidelity, while IFS can help each partner explore the parts of themselves activated by its aftermath.
I also draw from Gottman's research-based approach to affair recovery to help couples rebuild trust, strengthen communication, and gradually create a new foundation for their relationship. When both partners are committed to the process, healing is possible. And for some couples, the relationship that emerges can become more honest, connected, and secure.
My Integrated Approach to Couples Therapy
My approach to couples therapy combines the best of evidence-based research with deeper psychological understanding. This integration helps couples develop both practical skills and emotional awareness, creating lasting change that goes beyond surface-level improvements.
Internal Family Systems for Couples (IFIO)
Internal Family Systems for Couples (IFIO)
Internal Family Systems for couples, also known as Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO), recognizes that healthy relationships happen when both partners can access their authentic self; the part of you that is naturally curious, compassionate, and calm. When we’re operating from this Self-energy, we can navigate relationship challenges with wisdom rather than reactivity.
In IFIO work, we explore how your individual parts affect your relationship. For example, if one partner has a part that’s terrified of abandonment and another has a part that needs space when stressed, these parts can create a cycle where one pursues while the other withdraws. By understanding these parts with compassion, couples can break these cycles and respond to each other’s underlying needs.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps couples understand the deeper emotions and attachment needs beneath conflict and disconnection. Rather than focusing only on what you are arguing about, EFT looks at the patterns you become caught in and what each partner is experiencing underneath their reactions.
For example, one partner may become critical or pursue connection when they're actually feeling hurt, afraid, or alone, while the other withdraws or shuts down when they feel overwhelmed or fear disappointing their partner. Over time, this pursue-withdraw cycle can leave both people feeling increasingly disconnected. EFT helps couples slow down these patterns, express what they're truly feeling and needing, and learn to respond to one another in ways that create greater safety, closeness, and connection.
Gottman Method Research-Based Tools
Gottman Method Research-Based Tools
The Gottman Method is built on over 40 years of research with thousands of couples. This approach provides concrete tools for improving communication, managing conflict, and building emotional intimacy. You’ll learn specific techniques for expressing your needs, responding to your partner’s bids for connection, and creating shared meaning in your relationship.
The Gottman Method helps couples understand the difference between solvable and perpetual problems (most relationship conflicts are perpetual), develop skills for navigating gridlocked issues, and build a strong foundation of friendship and admiration.
Challenges We Can Work Through Together
Every couple’s challenges are unique, but there are common patterns I often see in my practice. You might recognize your relationship in some of these areas:
Communication and Conflict Resolution
Feeling like you’re speaking different languages
Arguments that escalate quickly or go in circles
Difficulty expressing needs without triggering defensiveness
One partner pursuing while the other withdraws
Feeling unheard or misunderstood despite trying to communicate
Struggling to navigate recurring conflicts without building resentment
Preparing for Parenthood and Parenting Stress
Different expectations about parenting roles and responsibilities
Feeling disconnected after having children
Disagreements about discipline or parenting approaches
Balancing couple time with family responsibilities
Managing stress and sleep deprivation as a team
Navigating fertility struggles or pregnancy loss together
Adjusting to how parenthood has changed your relationship and intimacy
Infidelity Recovery and Trust Building
Processing the emotional impact of betrayal
Rebuilding trust and emotional safety
Exploring the factors and relationship dynamics surrounding the infidelity
Developing new patterns of honesty and transparency
Healing from past relationship trauma that affects current trust
Creating agreements and boundaries moving forward
Intimacy and Connection Challenges
Feeling like roommates rather than romantic partners
Differences in desire for physical or emotional intimacy
Difficulty balancing independence and togetherness
Longing for more emotional closeness and responsiveness from your partner
Navigating life transitions that affect your relationship
Rebuilding romance, affection, and playfulness in long-term relationships
The Couples Therapy Process
Starting couples therapy takes courage from both partners. You might feel hopeful and nervous at the same time, wondering if your relationship can really change or if therapy will help. I want you to know that seeking help together is actually a sign of your commitment to each other and your relationship.
Assessment and Understanding Your Dynamic
Assessment and Understanding Your Dynamic
In our first few sessions, we’ll focus on getting to know your relationship, what brings you to therapy now, the patterns you've been caught in, and how each of you experience those patterns. I’ll want to hear both of your perspectives, as well as the history of your relationship, so we can begin to understand what may be contributing to your current struggles.
We’ll also explore your individual backgrounds and how they may be influencing your relationship today. This isn’t about blame, it’s about understanding how your past experiences can shape present-day emotions and reactions, and identifying new ways of responding to one another.
Individual Exploration and Understanding Your Parts
Individual Exploration and Understanding Your Parts
Sometimes it can be helpful to meet individually to explore how your personal history, attachment experiences, and different parts of yourself may be affecting your relationship. These sessions aren’t about taking sides or keeping secrets; they’re about helping each of you understand your own emotions, reactions, and needs so you can show up more authentically in your relationship.
Individual exploration might include understanding attachment patterns, working with parts that become activated in your relationship, processing past relationship experiences, or exploring how family-of-origin experiences shape what you expect, fear, and need from your partner.
Joint Sessions for Healing and Growth
Joint Sessions for Healing and Growth
Most of our work will happen together. We'll slow down the patterns that lead to conflict and disconnection, explore the emotions and needs underneath them, and practice new ways of responding to one another in real time. As you begin to understand both your own reactions and your partner's experience more deeply, you can create greater emotional safety, closeness, and connection.
We’ll also work on strengthening communication, building positive experiences together, developing rituals of connection, and creating shared meaning in your relationship. The goal isn't to elimate every disagreement — it's to help you navigate challenges differently, repair when things go wrong, and build a relationship in which both of you feel heard, valued, and connected.
Ready to invest in your relationship’s future?
Contact me today to schedule your couples therapy consultation. I currently have openings for new couples therapy clients. Sessions are available virtually with occasional in-person opportunities. I recommend weekly sessions initially to build momentum and create lasting change.
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You’re welcome to reach out directly if that feels more comfortable.
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